Archive for ‘Females’

March 5, 2008

a pot of gold at the end of a reading rainbow

I’ve never been much of a reader, but the other day I went to Powell’s, and I actually bought a book without any recommendation or previous knowledge of it…an impluse buy. Sure, I had an encounter with a girl there, but that’s not something I should blog about, in the name of not being creepy.

Uggh, me, me, me. The book. It’s called Rock On: An Office Power Ballad by Dan Kennedy. He actually autographed this copy.

Anyway, it’s his story about landing a job in the music industry at a record label in NYC. It’s just an everyday story told in an everyday voice. I’m only 40 pages in, but so far this is why I like it:

1. The narrator/author used to be a copywriter in the ad industry.
2. He mentioned Oregon.
3. He mentioned Genesis, the band, not the bible thing.
4. He makes list.
5. He talks about giving women nicknames based on first impressions or encounters.

I laughed out loud when he mentioned something about people with glasses looking smart no matter what they’re doing, and I’ve totally been thinking about getting glasses.

January 14, 2008



I feel like recently I’ve used every mode of transportation available, except for horse, boat and spaceship. It’s very relaxing to have others do the navigating for you. With someone else in front of the wheel, I was able to focus my attention on things other than speed limits, gas gauges, check engine lights and potholes. There was definitely a lot to observe on my trip from Portland to Tacoma and back.

The first thing I noticed was how laid-back and hassle-free traveling by train is. There are no security checkpoints, and seating assignments are made at the gate. I didn’t have to take my shoes or my belt off.

Laura and I sat across from two brothers from Jefferson, Oregon. One was a 10th grader, the quieter one was in 8th grade. They were both shy at first, but I made the mistake of asking how much his bistro car pizza was and how it tasted. Once I broke the ice, he was more than willing to speak his mind during the entire train ride, specifically on movies and his favorites subject in school, history. Luckily, Laura and I had refreshments in the form of Black Butte Porter and Bud Light. We also got to sample some of the fine bistro car cuisine for ourselves. She got the microwaved quiche, and I settled for the microwaved hot dog. Yum, yum!

On the way back we didn’t have to face any talkers (the kids said they were taking an earlier train back down). Instead, Laura and I were able to relax and watch Across the Universe, a decent flick that featured Beatles’ songs. It made Laura choke up at the end, but it just made me chuckle.

Overall, the train ride was an enjoyable experience, and I will definitely utilize it’s convenience again. I will just plan on taking and earlier train so that I can enjoy the scenery.

Some other things I saw:

– At least 5-10 cuties on each train. One that caught my eye was drinking wine at the bar in the bistro car.

– A geo-engineer writing up a memorandum about some slope he checked out.

– Amtrak employees with really cool hats.

January 10, 2008

All Aboard!


As the John Denver song goes: “I’m leavin’ on a jet train/but I’ll be back in two day-eee-yays.”

Yes, tomorrow I will travel by train for the first time, and as you can tell from the picture above, I’m all set! I’ve learned a lot about trains over the years, from Thomas the Train, to Mr. Rogers and the Neighborhood Trolley, to The Little Engine That Could (still my favorite book to this day), to the movie Throw Mama From The Train with Danny DeVito and Billy Crystal, to the band Train who performs a song about my mom, Virginia.

But I don’t think any of those ever went to the magical land of Tacoma, Washington. If they did, I certainly wasn’t on one. That’s the destination. There I will be visiting my friends Nichole and Matt, who moved there last summer. It won’t just be me. My good friend from high school, Laura, is the one who got the ball rolling. She is continuing on to Seattle to visit some friends. We’ll be meeting up in Seattle on Saturday to hang out with our other friend Patrick.

It has the potential to be a blast. I’ve only been to Sea-Tac Airport and Safeco Field, but I have yet to explore Seattle. Hopefully Matt will not be a blouse and get over his cold. And hopefully all the other Amtrak passengers will keep their hands to themselves, except for Laura.

I’ll to post a special From Da Train entry when I get back to Portland.  There’s sure to be some interesting things to report from the tracks.


(Have you been noticing that I’ve been ending a lot of my entry titles with exclamation points? I think it’s because I do a lot of e-mail yelling.)

January 8, 2008

Stv Mllr ready!!! Gladiator hotty!!!


Before I start blabbing about my infatuation with one of the new lady Gladiators, I should preface by just saying that the second-coming of American Gladiators lives up to the original. I wouldn’t say it blows the original out of the water, but the show certainly has aged well, and in some ways reinvented itself…with the help of Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali, of course.

To be completely honest, Crush is going to be reason why I’ll be watching every Monday night. Her real name is Gina Carano and she is a 25-year-old MMA fighter from Las Vegas. She’s also a knockout with a solid frame. One of her legs would probably last me a year if we got in a plane crash and I had to eat. That’s the sort of thing I look for in a woman. It’s even more important than the mother-daughter so-this-is-what-she’s-gonna-look-like-in-30- years comparison.

So let’s review:
-I wish I was in good enough shape to wrestle with big dudes in spandex.
-I don’t mind women with a little meat on their bones, as long as it’s life-sustaining muscle.
-Ladies, just a heads up, I’m gonna be giving you mama the once over.

December 6, 2007




This week I encountered a lot of interesting characters on the bus. A couple of them happened to be the drivers.On a foggy Thursday morning, as we crossed the Morrison bridge into downtown Portland, the bus driver exclaimed, “I shouldn’t have watched Stephen King’s ‘The Mist’ last night.” That got a surprisingly energetic reaction from the passengers, considering it was so early in the morning.

My driver on Wednesday night wasn’t afraid to drive and entertain either. He reeled off a half-dozen jokes. Three of the funnies had to do with President Bush, which the democratic crowd enjoyed.

As more people boarded the bus, the jokes got less political, but arguably more riske. One was about three surgeons in a bar, and right before I got off there was an epic joke about an American in Shetland having a sexy party with one of the natives. But my favorite was definitely the recycled ha-ha that went something like this:

“I got home and my wife said ‘take off my blouse.’ So I did. Then she said, ‘take off my skirt.’ So I did.  Finally she said, ‘don’t you ever wear my clothes again!'” Ha! Knee slapper!

Guy with parrot hat bragging about his hat collection.

This morning we also had a guy with a stuffed parrot hat. No a real parrot, but a plush, colorful parrot that was about a foot tall. He wasn’t all there, but that didn’t stop him from striking up a convo with one of the girls next to him. He proceeded to tell her that he was a bell ringer (I guessing for the Salvation Army) and his collection of plush animal hats bring in a lot of donations. Whatever works for you buddy. Somebody needs to put the parrot and the Cuckoo back in the cage.

October 17, 2007

Phone home, eat reeses pieces and always tip your hairstylist.

picture-3.pngE.T. used to scare the crap out of me, but now Drew Barrymore does. It’s funny how things change as you get older. I also like asparagus, naps, showers and girls now.

I found this awesome pic on PEZ SWEET WORLD and I found that through Metafilter.

This picture makes me want to ask, “Did you ever find E.T. attractive when he dressed up as a female E.T.?” Get it? It’s the line from Wayne’s World except I swapped out Bugs Bunny for E.T. Hey, how do we even know E.T. was a male? Did I miss that part in the movie?

October 15, 2007



I feel like I let you all down last week, or at least the Great Montastic, who I still owe a poem comment to. There was no From da Bus segment last week, and it must have seemed like the world stopped spinning. It probably felt as if you missed the bus. Well no my friends. You were there on time, but I just drove right by without stopping.

That’s exactly what happened to me last week. Twice. The same morning. I was waiting at the bus stop with a few other potential passengers. The first bus whisked by like a bat out of hell and packed full. Usually there is an empty bus right behind it, because as physics would prove, as the first bus stops to pick up passengers, the second bus slowly catches up since it is only five minutes behind on the route.

Not this time. The next bus didn’t show up for another 12 minutes, and by that time there were at least a dozen people at the stop. That bus was full as well, but for some reason it stopped, and people tried to board. Even though I waited 25 minutes to catch up bus, I decided to drive to work, and just deal with the traffic and overpriced parking.

I was still 15 minutes late to work, but at least I never felt like a sardine, and I got a decent story out of the whole situation.

When I did actually ride the bus last time I noticed some interesting body decorations. One girl had a tattoo on her ear lobe. Another girl had two studs pierced into her chest. My best body art display was the red ink that I accidentally smeared on my thumb at work.

October 14, 2007

Day Man ahhhhaaaaaa!

The following clip is from the FX comedy series It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It stars Danny DeVito, three funny guys and one very attractive young lady who went to the University of Oregon.

Cody and I caught this episode the other night after we missed our usual Thursday night NBC programs (My Name is Earl, 30 Rock, The Office). We thought our laughter would be lost forever, but this show saved the day. What made it even greater was that Mike and Carly also caught the episode so this song became the anthem of our drive down to Eugene.

October 5, 2007


Nothing very major happened this week on the B-U-single-S other than a detour the other morning because of an overturned truck on the Morrison Bridge. There was so much traffic that the passengers opted to get off the buses and walk across the river. It was such an eerie sight, like watching a zombie movie or Independence Day. Here are a view other things I witnessed this weekend.

-Neuroscience textbook.

-The distinct smell of alcohol.


-A girl talking about her extreme mood swings on her cell phone made out of her hand.


-The lady in front of my carried on her little Daschund dressed up in a space suit.

October 3, 2007

Health…what’s that?


Today I participated in a Health Risk Assessment on my health care provider’s website. It looks like I did pretty well. My score was 100, but it didn’t give a scale.

The survey appraised my age at 21 just based on my answers, and it was only a couple years off. I think they based their guess off the question “Who do you think is a more attractive singer, Dolly Parton or Avril Lavigne?” I said it was a push—I’d probably take either one.

This little assessment also said that my weight is in the desirable range for my build, but they don’t know that most of my mass is concentrated in the face cheeks, the butt cheeks and the gut cheek.

  • Get your blood pressure tested.
  • Limit your drinking to no more than two glasses a day.
  • Get your cholesterol checked.
  • Exercise 3 to 5 times a week.
  • Add more fiber to your diet.

Items one and three will require a physical, which I’m about to schedule. The whole drinking thing came up because they asked a question about my drinking habits. I don’t know how I’m going to exercise that much when the weather has just recently gone down the drain, and everybody knows my car will melt if I try to drive it to a gym in the rain. Lastly, I have no idea how to add more fiber to my diet. Where do I get fiber from? Cotton candy? Papyrus? Fiber glass? Ahh…I’m answering my own questions. See, my brain is getting healthier already.